Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Two words: nipple clamps
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