I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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