We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
