dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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