just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
