Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize