now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
