I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
