The maid of honor just puked.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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