I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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