Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
