My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
