your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
