Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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