he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
