Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
