I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
