mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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