just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
