At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
