I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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