Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
