I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
