New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
