chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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