Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i came on her dog
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
