we're blogging at a bar
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
