kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize