Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
