i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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