I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
