Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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