Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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