if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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