I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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