At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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