i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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