Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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