don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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