I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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