Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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