i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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