Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
