it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
