if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The best revenge is premature balding
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
