Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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