Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
