My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
