Ambien. No doubt about it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
