I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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