spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
