WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
