His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
