fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
