we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize