my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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