She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
