Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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