i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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