I'm laying in your front yard are you home
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
