okay pat passed out under dana's car
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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