I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
