best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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