I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
