i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
