bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
