Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize