i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
