so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
