and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize